At the Moment

I have a lot to tell you, but currently not a lot of time to tell it. And since Mary Oliver already did such a good job of saying what should be said, I'll let her speak for me today.

The following is an excerpt from her poem "Six Recognitions of the Lord" out of the Thirst collection.

Lord God, mercy is in your hands, pour
me a little. And tenderness too. My
need is great. Beauty walks so freely
and with such gentleness. Impatience puts a halter on my face and I run away over
the green fields wanting your voice, your tenderness, but having to do with only the sweet grasses of the fields against my body. When I first found you I was filled with light, now the darkness grows and it is filled with crooked things, bitter and weak,
each one bearing my name.

Politics

So much going on politically in the States now. And I'm so far removed from it all. But I was rereading one of my favorite Mary Oliver collections the other day and came across this poem. It's so fitting, so I thought I'd share.

Of the Empire

We will be known as a culture that feared death
and adored power, that tried to vanquish insecurity
for the few and cared little for the penury of the
many. We will be known as a culture that taught
and rewarded the amassing of things, that spoke
little if it all about the quality of life for
people (other people), for dogs, for rivers. All
the world, in our eyes, they will say, was a
commodity. And they will say that this structure
was held together politically, which it was, and
they will say also that our politics was no more
than an apparatus to accommodate the feelings of
the heart, and that the heart, in those days,
was small, and hard, and full of meanness.

~Mary Oliver, Red Bird

So, My Pants Are on Fire

Obviously, because I'm a liar. Unintentionally, of course.

What I didn't know when I set the deadline for revamping Wonju Wife into something besides Wonju Wife was that I would be in the middle of moving the week before. Kenny and I are making a huge move. We are moving in with his parents. Dunh dunh duuuuuuunnnnh. It's not something either of us ever considered, but we never expected to be pregnant this summer and be living on one income. We had taken this house with the expectation that when July rolled around, I would be gainfully employed and pulling a paycheck similar to my previous one, or even a bit more. So Kenny took a job that has the potential to make a lot of money, but currently isn't. And so, we're moving.

In two days. Because Kenny posted our apartment online as available and in 5 minutes within posting at midnight he received 5 texts of people interested. The next day, a couple came to visit that night and transferred money while they were here so we wouldn't show it to anyone else. Done. That's how amazing our apartment is. Kind of reminds me of the whirlwind it was moving into the place. Same moving out.

They had actually asked us to move out in a week's time, but couldn't get their money out of their own apartment (crazy Korean key money system!) until the end of this week, so we got an extra week.

All this to say, I most likely lied about October 3rd being any kind of reveal. That Monday is also a national holiday in Korea, so if I have anything to do with it, I'll be spending it with my HubbO.

I'm about to do some heart-heavy adjusting in my life, so get ready. 

Update

Hey guys! Just a little note here to say that I haven't completely forgotten you or this blog. I'm actually working on a redesign because I'm not Wonju Wife anymore and my mourning period is so close to over. I hope to have the new blog up and running (same spot, just new name and look) by the beginning of October! So I'm spending a lot of time watching tutorials on HTML and CSS and being creative on paper instead of on the Internet.

I never made an official announcement here, but I'm pregnant. I'm 14 weeks and counting. My due date is March 7th. I'm assuming most of you know this because I made a huge announcement on my YouTube channel titled My Big Secret and I also announced our pregnancy on Facebook. So, that's another reason I haven't been active here. I had an awful first trimester with all-day sickness and constant nausea. I feel better this trimester, but it has come to include severe day-long tension headaches and more morning sickness than I care to discuss here. Still waiting for that honeymoon period to start! Anyway, I'm sorry to have been absent for so very long and to have teased you with the first of our Santiago trip and not done anymore. But I think it's time for a change. And instead of rushing the change this time, I'm going to do it right.

Stay tuned for the reveal of all things new on October 3rd! Can't wait to get back to blogging. Oh, how I've missed you. 

Camino Day 0: St. Jean Pied de Port

The traditional El Camino de Santiago or Way of St. James starts from a tiny town in the south of France, some of the most beautiful countryside I’ve ever seen. We took a train from Paris to Bayonne and there was nothing to do but look out the window. Everything was so green, with hills rolling and perfect red-roofed and gabled houses. After we arrived at Bayonne, we took a bus to get to St. Jean.

St. Jean Pied de Port around sunset. 

On the bus, I couldn’t stop that nervous feeling bubbling up from my stomach through my chest. The bus made several stops in little villages on the way to let out a few older passengers, most with canes and berets. At every stop I found myself praying this wasn’t ours. Because the closer we arrived to St. Jean, the closer we arrived to the beginning of what could possibly be a mistake. I’m always like this, dreading the beginning of the thing, instead of the actual thing itself. We finally pulled in and walked with all the other pilgrims towards the office to get our Camino credencial, a passport of sorts that would be stamped with the name of all the albergues we slept in and towns we walked through.

After we got our credencials, we went to the albergue to put down our bags and find a place for dinner. I was surprised at the age of many of the pilgrims there. I imagined walking with younger people or others around our age, but many of the pilgrims were in their 50s, some in their 60s, and many doing this for the second or third time. It was encouraging and intimidating at the same time to see so many different people planning to take this journey.

 I had no idea what to expect. I had a hard time falling asleep because I was excited, scared, full of anticipation, and of course, bombarded by the snoring of almost every other person in the room. Tomorrow: follow the yellow shells to Santiago!

Old School: My Favorite Seoul Posts

Hello my lovelies! I thought I'd do a roundup of my favorite posts that I wrote during my first year spent in Seoul. I moved to Cheonho in February of 2008 and we were married February 2009 and then took off for our 6 month honeymoon. After that, we moved to Wonju and spent almost two years there AND NEVER BOUGHT ONE SINGLE ROLL OF TOILET PAPER. No, I'm serious. I never bought toilet paper while we lived in that house because Kenny's friends and family had brought us toilet paper, Kleenex, and laundry detergent as housewarming gifts. I still think it's awesome.

So, anyway, I thought I'd share with you some of the best memories I made and some of the most profound moments I had when I lived in this big city a few years ago. Talk about self-referential, I know. Many of you might have started reading this blog after VEDA last August, so I thought it might be some background for the newer peeps as well. So, if you've got nothing to do, click through the archives and have a look!

Teacher, Teacher! I used to teach at an English preschool and my kids were hilarious. They also induced nervous breakdowns and lots of yelling, but mostly they were funny!

How to Be Surprised. This post is a reflection on what I felt when I am confronted with true vulnerability in others. And myself.

Subway BFF. This is part of the Imagine All The People series that's been defunct for a while, but which I'm planning to revive soon!

I Went Ice Skating. Pretty self-explanatory.

New Year, New Family. Reflections on the Lunar New Year  celebrated with Kenny's family a few weeks before our wedding.

And those are some of the posts I most enjoyed reading and most enjoy rereading. Hope you enjoyed them, too! Also, check here in case you missed the Apartment Tour Video or my Expectations video on YouTube. Subscribe, yo! 

Three Things

One.
We've got the apartment pretty much set up to our satisfaction. We're still waiting to get a few more things to organize the kitchen space, because (don't even get me started on design and function and my dad is a cabinet builder/designer so good grief I know way too much about how WRONG this is) there's a lack of upper cabinet storage and the lower cabinets are funky. The only other thing I've left to do is organize my desk and crafting stuff, which is taking FOR. EV. ER. So, I thought I'd share some pictures of our space and I hope to get around to a video tour sometime this week!

the office corner

I'm really happy with the way our desks came together. Kenny's desk is the one Miso is so comfortably lying on.

the sleeping corner

I'm really happy about the recessed wall where we shoved the bed. It gives us a feel of divided space, but doesn't close off the room and make it feel smaller.

the living space

I love love love our new couch! Such a perfect fit for us and so comfortable. When I'm at home, if I'm not at the desk, I'm definitely on this couch. The cool thing about it is that it's adjustable. So, say we move into a new place in a few years and this couch's configuration doesn't work. Well, the long cushion is actually just velcroed to an ottoman. I make the long cushion part of the seating and take one of the single cushions and attach it to the ottoman and it can be moved around. It could also be done with the long cushion on the other side instead. It's flexibility is great for our nomadic lifestyle. We haven't exactly figured out what color it is yet.

the kitchen corner

So, it needs a little work, but it's functional and my washing machine has rid me of my drum machine prejudice.

the view

The lighting looks funky to the camera, but it's pretty in person. Our view is fantastic and I find myself often "waking up" from looking out the window and having to check the time.

Well, what do you think?

Two:


This film was shown yesterday at our church service as part of the Not For Sale Campaign, which is working to "re-abolish slavery" and put an end to human trafficking.

And, three:

Thanks to @clareyt for tweeting the link to this awesome video. Don't listen to the lies, girls!

That is all. 

On Moving

"So I'm holding within me a great sense of excitement, anticipation, and rejoicing at new beginnings, but at the same time, I'm also harboring a sense of loss and sadness. So many good things happened to us in this house. It's hard to believe it could get any better." (from my journal June 5, 2011)

{from Judykauffman via etsy}

So, we moved. We have been planning on moving. It wasn't a surprise, except for how fast it all fell into place. But I still felt sad about leaving Wonju. The night before we left, Kenny and I sat down in the living room and recounted all the blessings and good things that had happened to us in that quaint, perfect apartment. We numbered the things we were thankful for, the amazing gifts we received, and the beautiful friends we made there. I sobbed through the entire list and when Kenny prayed for us and the cats to have a good and non-stressful move and prayed that the next inhabitants of the house would find it just as wonderful and perfect as we have, I cried even harder. It was our first place as a married couple. The kitters came to us only a few weeks after we moved in. I had a fabulous community of coworkers and friends in town. We were so comfortable there. I was surprised at how attached I had become to that place, but now I'm so glad that I mourned leaving it. I still miss Wonju, but because I took the time to be sad and to admit how much it had meant to me, I can say I'm looking forward to seeing what this tiny Mapo house has for us.

The thing we most need now is patience. Because we moved into a furnished apartment in Wonju, we didn't have much furniture: just our bed, our desks, and a kitchen island. We left so many things in the Wonju house because they weren't our style and we had bought them simply to meet an immediate need and because it was cheap. I don't want to do that here. I want to wait and look for exactly what I want. I want to build our home with intention so that we have things we delight in everyday and will want to take with us to the next place.

Money is also an issue for us this summer because I'm not working until August, paying to go to school, and Bo just cost us about $1,000.00 in surgeries in under a week. (The poor guy is having a rough time. First, he had contracted some periodontal disease from when he was so sick as a kitten. It had infected his gums and they were pulling away from his teeth. So he had a lot of reparative and preventative work done last Thursday. Then, on Sunday, while he was staying at my mom-in-law's, she called us and said he was limping and wouldn't let her touch him. We took him to the vet later that day and had x-rays done. But she said nothing looked broken. Apparently she missed his hip fracture, because I took him to another vet close to our house today and he could feel his hip out of place right away. So he's scheduled for hip surgery to remove the broken pieces of his hip bones tomorrow. My little Bo Bear has been in so much pain. And expensive pain, let me tell you.)

All of these circumstances combined means we need to practice the art of waiting. Waiting for the right piece of furniture, waiting for the paychecks to start coming in, and waiting to make sure we really need what we feel is so necessary right this minute.

And all you have to do is wait for me to get a few more things organized before I throw up a video tour of the new place!

P.S. Thank you to everyone who has continued to read this little blog. I haven't quite got the heart to change my name from Wonju Wife to whatever comes next yet. But I couldn't be happier with the lovely comments I've gotten from all of you. I still mentally click my heels and physically bounce around in my chair with joy everytime I read your words. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

P.P.S. I'm reading Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace this summer with a whole lot of cool Internet friends. If you haven't joined, read about it here, and do it already!

Just Do the Work

Confession: I buy things that are supposedly going to help me turn into a better version of myself. Honestly, I was just sitting at my desk looking at the three planners I have for 2011 so far, and I had the thought, “I need a new planner so I can really plan stuff.” Seriously, that’s what ran through my head.  If I don’t plan stuff now, what makes me think I’m going to plan stuff just because I buy a new planner? I have hundreds of blank journals at home because I get halfway through one and then refuse to pick back up after I’ve taken some time off. I buy a new one and think that the new journal will magically transform me into a disciplined journal writer.

I do this with new clothes as well. One new shirt is going to turn me into a fashion icon. Yeah right. I can see you all rolling your eyes.  And haircuts. I am always incredibly disappointed after new haircuts. It’s like I somehow think they’re going to make me thinner. If only, right?

People often talk about using the right tools or having the right accessories. But for me, sometimes, the accessories are just an excuse. Something I’m waiting for to do the hard work of personal transformation for me. Isn’t that what all this stuff is? An excuse. All this material crap has to be hauled around to apartment after apartment and country after country. Couldn’t I just go ahead and put in the hours of self-discipline and get rid of all the stuff?

I’m not buying anything new that will inevitably not turn me into a brand new shiny version of myself that is so close to perfection it will never exist. I’m just going to start using what I have and doing what I can to be who I need to be.

I have three planners. Surely one of them could work! 

The Rapidity is Exhilarating. And Scary.

May 31: Land in Korea. Travel to mom-in-law's house to reunite with my kitters. Mention before going to bed to the husband that we should look at apartments soon. 

June 1: Get up at 7:00 am. Husband is super duper on top of making appointments with realty offices in Seoul. See 5 apartments¹ in Gwanghamun. See 3 apartments in Gangdong. Have 8 pm appointment to see an apartment in Mapo. Go to 8 pm appointment and love the place. It's bigger than most, has a view of the river, and enough room for our queen size bed and both our desks. We put a teeny tiny deposit of $100 down so he won't show it to anyone else. 

June 2: Go back to apartment. Double check it. We're still in love. 6 minute walk from subway station. Sign papers. We have an apartment. The guy asks us when we want to move in. Kenny says, "June 10th."

June 3: Load up the kitters and head back to our mansion² in Wonju. Repeat to one another over and over, "Gosh, a week left here." "Wow, that was so fast!" 

It was completely unexpected. I thought I'd spend a last summer in Wonju. But hey, the new apartment has air conditioning and this one doesn't. So, I have a week to pack! And that's what's happened since I've been back. I'll slowly be going through pictures and journal entries and telling you about all our adventures in Frankfurt, on the Camino, in Barcelona, and in France. 

Feels so nice to be back.

¹So basically we looked at one room places. They’re generally called officetels in Korea, but I don’t like the look of the word and I don’t like typing it either.

²Obviously since we’re downsizing to a one room studio type place, this two-bedroom apartment with it’s many doors and corners feels huge.