What the Crap Wednesday: Winter Edition

Dang. It is cold. 

Last Friday, when Kenny and I got back to Seoul and went past our stop on the bus, it was still pleasant to walk outside back to the house. Saturday, it was yucky and rainy, but it wasn't really that cold. Sunday, I shouldn't have worn only a sweater. And Monday...

BAM! It was winter. Like, unbearably freaking cold winter. Like, your tongue sticks to the flag pole winter. The wind is the killer. It'll getcha. Walking from the subway to work is the worst, the wind biting through all my layers and causing me to utter moans and protests that probably remind the commuting Koreans around me of a constipated polar bear. There are no words, only the strain of all my muscles as I try to catch a breath through my clenched teeth. It's the middle of November people, and it feels like January or February. What the crap?

To counteract the unbearable cold, of course, is the unbearable heat of the subway. Because I must wear a shirt, a fleece, a jacket with a hood, a scarf wrapped around my face, all topped with my black winter coat (that now totally fits and I can so move my arms), I am hot in the subway. I am hot beyond hot with all the other wrapped and muffled and coated commuters on the Metro. And because it is apparently now winter, the Metro staff in charge of the air vents on the trains seem to think they are not necessary. But take a minute and think about it: there are still one thousand of us piling into the same small car, being mushed into Metro Purgatory with nothing to hold us up but the bosom of the ajumma behind us pressed into our back and the oversized handbag of the trendy young girl in our spleen. And we are all dressed for the Arctic. How does air conditioning not make sense right now? What the crap?

I am also forced to wear leggings under my jeans, because man, have I mentioned the wind? It is not joking. The wind is serious this time of year with no sense of humor whatsoever. And so, I don the leggings and pull them up over my bellybutton in an attempt to keep my midsection snug and cozy. But when I get to school, I sit on the floor with my kids (which I am going to have to rethink. Chairs from now on, I believe) and because we have ondol heating, our butts burn! And when you've got leggings under your jeans and you're sitting on a hot floor, you've got a veritable sauna in your pants. And let me tell you, no matter what country you live in, Sauna Pants is a serious condition. It can lead to Chafing Pants and other moisture-related and unpleasant situations. 

Let's recap: 
Outside= Freezing with Wind Intent on Killing Us All
Subway= Hell 
School= Sauna Pants

Say it with me now, altogether! WHAT THE CRAP!

1 comment:

  1. the sauna pants could in fact be your new super duper diet. ha ha.... ..


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