I'm Going Home

I am going home. I am excited about the food (oh sweet tea, my love!). I am excited about the Reunification with my Wifey. I am especially excited to see my Sisda, whom I am actually friends with now. It took us years and years to get here, to this place of accepting each other fully and pushing each other toward better versions of ourselves with love and support. Our relationship has ripened over the past few years, distance doing weird but wonderful things for us. I am looking forward to a sweet time of sharing this adventure of marriage with her. I love it that we are getting married so close to each other. I am excited, of course, about seeing my mom and dad, who grow more precious every day I'm away from them. I am jumping up and down to see my kitty, Kimchi, who has suddenly started sleeping on my bed again in anticipation of my arrival, I'm sure. And I'm full of joyful expectation over introducing my almost-husband (so much easier and shorter than soon-to-be, don't you think?) to my friends and my extended family. I am excited for Keun Ha to be in my house where I grew up, to inch a little closer to understanding where I'm from. 

But most of all, I am ready to be comfortable. Yes, Tariq, I just want to be comfortable. Because despite all the routine and all the survival Korean I'm speaking and all the support I have here, my life is not easy. It's not as difficult now and I'm adjusting to changes much quicker than when I first arrived (I've been here 8 months and 1 day). But it's not the same as being surrounded by people who know exactly who you are, who won't be surprised or offended by you in any way, and who want nothing more than for you to be perfectly, through-and-through, you. There have been parts of my personality that have had to take a back seat to respect for others, for other cultures, and other ways of interacting in relationships. I don't begrudge Korea this subtraction it does inside me. In fact, I'm proud that I can adjust and find myself avoiding the typical American expat stereotypes (or so my friends tell me). I think that being able to adapt to other cultures and appreciate them and participate even is a valuable part of me and helps me live here. But it will be nice to not have to think, to calculate, to be careful. 

There's no other word. I just can't wait to be comfortable.