I Take It All Back

Remember how I was all proud of myself for dealing well with changes to my work schedule?

Well, that was stupid. And apparently all lies.

Today was one of those days at work that makes me wonder how I will last 6 more months. I hate these kinds of days. They put a big fat rain cloud over the light at the end of the tunnel. I know it's stupid, but I get really depressed thinking about how I have to go to work and teach until February. And that's not really the most depressing part. The worst part is that it's MY fault that this is my job. I haven't figured out anything else to do, or haven't had the guts to try anything different. I got this job so that we could come back to Korea and have a free house for another year. I knew I was done with teaching, but I made this decision anyway. So, really, I am completely responsible for my own unhappiness. That's never a fun realization to have your coffee with.

I am also sick. My throat started getting scratchy this weekend and last night, despite a sleeping pill and an overzealous dose of cough syrup, I could not sleep for the coughing and tickling in my throat. I even sprayed a bunch of throat spray to try to numb it, but to no avail. So, I'm sleep deprived, sick, and miserable at work. And yes, I'm letting it ruin my day.

However, I am still proud of myself. Want to know why? Because even though I'm sleep deprived, sick, and miserable at work, I was still productive. Normally, I let a bad mood kill any plans I have, even simple ones. Not today. I came home from work, took a shower to relax and have a good cry, put away all the laundry hanging on the racks, washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, boiled myself some honey tea for my throat, sat down here and recorded a crappy one minute vlog, and then proceeded to write this.

So, despite the fact that I'm no longer proud of myself for dealing well with change (this new Monday/Friday schedule is killer), I'm proud of myself for not completely shutting down just because I had an awful, no good, terribly bad day. My attitude might suck, but gosh darn it, I'm going to get things done!
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