Last night was probably one of my best nights in Seoul. For the past nine months, I've been lugging this sense of isolation and loneliness and un-bliss around inside The Belly. And last night, I feel like the ol' uterus of my soul gave it up and I birthed friends. A community, really. A community of like-minded and beautiful people who drink good beer and have deep, authentic conversation and at the same time have ridiculous non-conversations and laugh really hard at each other because we are happy and not alone. Well, at least, I was happy and not alone.
I know I'm being Cheesy McCheesington, but it can't be helped. For the first time since I have been in this country I have found a table I can sit at and be entirely comfortable and open and vulnerable and safe all at the same time. I was my fullest self (okay, maybe a little more than myself after 5 hours of talking and listening and imbibing delicious beverages) and I felt as if I was spreading out, leaking right out to the borders of who I am, filling in all the cracks and spaces of who I am supposed to be. Because real people make you feel things like that. And I met so many real people. Real, kind, generous, caring, thinking, loving people. And it was the first time I'd met any of them and I felt home.
And yes, I could qualify all that and cover my insecurities by saying something like Oh, maybe I'm so lame and they didn't really like me, but whatev. Forget that. I like them and I know them! This clip is exactly how I feel. I feel giddy and happy and warm. Just replace "Santa" with "Sparklers!"
And of course, I'm totally also freaking out about Christmas. So this is uber-appropriate. It's coming, people! Christmas is coming! And I might just have some friends to celebrate with!