What the Crap Wednesday (The Friday Edition)

What the crap have I been up to? My absence here has caused my mother to doubt my existence, setting all sorts of horror scenarios into frenzied motion. She is worrying as only a mother can. The truth is boring.

What the Crap I've Been Up To:

1. I have spent time carefully planning my menu and schedule of eating out for the few days I'm at home. I am craving several particular things and plan on hitting all of my favorite restaurants, despite all obstacles. I am daydreaming about sweet tea, especially.

2. I am reading The Geography of Thought: How Asians and Westerners Think Differently...and Why by one Richard E. Nisbett who desperately needs to read William Zinsser's take on the exclamation mark. 

Dear Mr. Nisbett, 

I like your book. It makes the stops on the subway go by much quicker and also lends insight into the reasons why the crazies around me are behaving the way they do. But your exclamation points are ineffective and annoying. "Don't use it unless you must to achieve a certain effect...We have all suffered more than our fair share of these sentences in which an exclamation point knocks us over the head with how cute or wonderful something is. Instead, construct your sentence so that the order of the words will put the emphasis where you want it." 

Thank you very much.

3. Dexter has been eating hours of my time. I caught an episode on TV here from the first season and was compelled to view the entire season in order. It's a bit of an addiction, but one that is far less embarrassing than say, admitting you lost an entire week of your life to the Twilight series close to 2 months ago. 

4. I have been learning to cook and enjoy tofu using this tasty recipe from THE Pajeon Princess. I never liked tofu before, but apparently my tastes are still changing. I find that if I give the food a chance, take a few deep breaths before digging in, and remember the work it took to prepare it (although with this tofu dish the work is negligible), it usually tastes good. I've continued to cook for myself almost every night of the week. I now dub my attempts in the kitchen as part of WifeO Training. Lord, I have such a long way to go!

5. I am reading James Finley and I am numb to the ever recurring words, "interior, meditative states of awareness" and "arise, endure, and pass away." Finley is sometimes exhausting, but the gems I've found far outweigh those phrases heavy with repetition. 

6. I am still spending most of my day yelling and laughing at small monsters called children. A few phrases my 7 year olds have finally picked up on:

My words: "Stop picking your nose." Stated matter of factly about 6 times every 40 minutes.

Kid version: "Teacher! Teeeeeeeacher! Steve picking your nose! Picking your nose! Stop!" 

My words: "I. Don't. Care." 

Former Kid Response, "Teacher, what?"

Current Kid Response: A look of defeat, usually accompanied by a lowering and shaking of the head. 

My words: "Go away." 

Kid version: "Go awaaaaaaaaay!" screamed as they are passing through the doorway at the end of class.

7. Wasting time; going to the bathroom; bothering my fiance about quitting his job; not cleaning my bathroom; laundry; drinking caramel macchiato; drawing a large blue X across another day on the calendar before I go to bed. 

8. I spend an inordinate amount of time looking at my ring.

9. Wondering why more Americans don't look up the term socialism. Being frustrated with America's willingness to be distracted from the actual issues by emotional propaganda espoused on both sides of the political system. 

10. Missing my friends and family and counting down the days until I get on an airplane to come see them! And praying that my period does not coincide with any time spent in a cramped aircraft with inconvenient bathrooms. Praying in general. 

That about does it. Oh, and thinking about writing. Obviously I'm just thinking about it. I'm not doing it. Or you would be well aware of that, wouldn't you? Also, if I stay around constantly, I can't ever have these mini-comebacks, now can I? If you never know war, you cannot understand peace. So, if you never miss me, you cannot appreciate the ChubbO. 

Appreciate away.