I teach English. I assign weekly book reports. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is too good not to share with the world.
Note: The summary my student wrote, although grammatically hilarious, is, in fact, true to the story of the Little Mermaid as written by Sue Arengo. The end of this story is in itself owed a huge What the Crap. I have reproduced her report exactly as she wrote it, paying special attention to capitalization and punctuation as the student originally put it down on paper. I'd also like to say that I am wildly proud of this report.
Describe this character: This picture is Mermaid She has Red wavy long hair, and she has green long tail.
Why did you like him or her?
I like her, because she is kind, and she is a mermaid.
What happens in the story?
The mermaid is fifteen years old, she can see the sky. So she is fifteen, she go up to the sea. And, she saw a nice prince. So she loved him. And mermaid go to the witch's house. She saids "Can you help me? I want a leg, not a tail." So she can gots a leg, but she can't married, because prince loves another princess.
How did the story make you feel? Why?
I think prince is bad. Why prince didn't married with her? He likes her. But he didn't loves her? Why?! I don't know of prince!
What did you think of the story?
I think this story is kind of bad prince, mermaid, another princess too, because prince didn't married with mermaid. And why does princess loves her. I want to say to her "Mermaid, You can loves another men!!"
THE END.
Can I get a What the Crap, people? Who wrote this? Oh wait, it was Sue Arengo. What the Crap, Sue? I mean, I know kids don't need every story to end happily ever after, but good grief. The Little Mermaid went through all that trouble to get legs instead of her stupid tail, and then the Prince just likes her? And on top of that, he marries another Princess in front of the Little Mermaid? Yeah, okay, maybe this is closer to reality than the Disney version. But, is it appropriate for a children's book. And if we're going to go all Realism on this story, where's the Little Mermaid's best girl friend telling her, "Mermaid! You can loves another men!!"
*If this is your first What the Crap Wednesday, feel free to browse earlier editions here.
