Home

This weekend we lugged the cats up to Kenny's parents' house in Seoul. It was an ordeal, but the kitters seem to enjoy exploring the new digs and are comfortable enough to lounge around on the furniture, displaying their soft round bellies to the ceiling.

This afternoon, on my way to Gwanghamun to meet Jennifer for some good eats, I rode my old bus. Good old blue 340 bus. And I walked against the wind past the apartment I lived in last year. And I rode the escalator down into the guts of Cheonho station. I felt like I was at home. Good grief, I thought, I only lived here for a year. But when I was there today, I knew where I was. Maybe that's what home is: knowing where you are. And somehow knowing where you are scoots a little insecurity out of the way and makes a place for you there.

I didn't live there long. But good things happened to me in this place. I discovered an entire country here. This is where Korea starts for me. Everything I learned about this country, about the people, and about myself spiders out from the 9th floor of Platinum River Apartments. And then it all doubles back into that little room where it was cried over, shouted about, and processed through. I got engaged here. I cooked horrible food in my apartment. I met my friends in the backstreets and down by the river here. Maybe that's what home is: where good things happen to you. And the good things that happen shove a little of the unfamiliarity out of the way and make a place for you there.

I've felt this sense of home before while we were spending a week or so in London at the tail end of Le Honeymoon. I just knew where I was. The place was familiar. I had only lived there a year, and not even in London at that. Exeter is a far cry from London. But James and Dennis were there. And perhaps that's why I felt comfortable, like I was being received into the city again. Maybe that's what home is: where the people you love make their lives. And they make small spaces in their city for you with the love in their hearts that moves some of the strangeness to the side and that pocket just opens up enough for you to slide into your place there.

I belong in Rome, Georgia, too. There are invisible footprints I fall back into every time I wind my way up the S curve on the hilltop campus of Shorter College. I learned to ask questions there. And maybe that's what home is: the place that helps you ask questions. Because asking questions seems to displace a bit of uncertainty and make room for the answer. If there is one. And when there's no answer, well, you've got a bit more elbow room to swim around in with your question.

Of course, I am at home in Tennessee. In the wood cabin with the red roof and the glowing porch lights on Poplarwood. Because when I'm there, I know where I am. And good things happened to me there. And the people I love still make their lives in that house. And it's the safest place I know of to ask hard and uncomfortable questions in.

Maybe those of us who wander aren't missing out on home so much as everyone thinks. Perhaps we're just lucky enough to have more than one.

The Big Return

Hello dear ones! Man, have I missed you. I have been thinking about blogging, trying to catch up on my Google reader, and also coming up with some new ideas for ChubbO Chubbington because, ladies and gents, I am now a whopping 135 pounds and feel confident slapping a big ChubbO NoMo stamp across The Belly! So, this blog (along with being terribly ill and not eating well for about a month, plus hiking 4-5 hours a day in the mountains) has been good for me. Don't worry, I will still post gratuitous pictures of me stuffing my face. I have plenty from the honeymoon. But since I've started a new phase in my life, I feel the blog needs a new phase as well. Just as we progressed from anger (Rage in the A.M.) to self-motivation/deprecation/humor (ChubbO Chubbington) it is now time to move on once more. To progress, if you will. And to be honest, I'm not sure what I shall progress to. Or towards. But the blog is “A-Changin'” so brace yourself.

I am thrilled to be resting at home, spending time with my family, introducing the HubbO to all the ways we Southerners have figured to fry things (we're eating lunch at a place today that has fried corn on the cob) and of course getting him addicted to Sweet Tea. We are running every other day now, trying to get ready for a few races this summer, something I'd like to continue when we return to Korea.

Things you can go ahead and look forward to:
Mushy Marriage Stuff: including but not limited to pictures from the wedding and a video for those who were unable to attend, as well as status updates on our upcoming reception in the States.
Life of Anonymous Celebrity: International Style
Honeymoon Highlights: posts that recount our adventures, including a few excerpts from my daily journal while we traveled.
What the Crap Wednesday Flashbacks: Nepalese and Indian Editions
Mucho Mucho Photo Content of course
Dear India: letters to this baffling country as I continue to process my experiences there

Yeah, I know you're all making out with your computer screens in anticipation of all this good stuff I'm promising. It feels good to be back, lovelies. Good to be back. I have missed you and you wouldn't believe the amount of times I mention you!

Love,
ChubbO NoMo (hopefully for keeps this time!)

I'm Full Up

Full up with good things. 

Today was a day where I wanted to slice myself down the middle and open myself up wide enough to encompass the world and then sew myself back together, everything nice and cozy in there. Can you feel it, world? 

I have been finding beautiful treasures under my fingernails, beside me on the subway, and in my email inbox. Sometimes they are small and other times they are life-size. Some I am uncovering, wiping away the layers of dust that have made their home on top. And some are shiny and new. 

I am missing Thanksgiving at my house this year and I wonder what's on The List. My mother always takes a yellow legal pad and writes and writes for days before our family meets to eat and talk and eat some more. And before we eat, she reads her paper. I miss my mother and her beautiful, grateful heart that lives in awe of the good things that continue to rain down into her life and the lives of her children. 

This is my list, mom.

I am thankful for a rock of a family that cannot be moved or torn apart or shaken. A family that is whole and fully gracious and loves, loves, loves, the pants off of everyone who takes a step inside it. 

I am thankful for the partner I have in life- the way he leads me to new places and makes everywhere we go home. 

I am thankful for generous and good friends back home that distance cannot silence or mellow. 

I am thankful for generous and good friends I've met here that give me hope and make me laugh and appreciate community.

I am thankful for all the comments and little notes in my email I've received from people I do not know, but who encourage me and tell me they enjoy reading what I write. You don't understand how much your words keep my words coming. Writing is solitary (and boring to watch, as Audrey Niffenegger says) and your kindness breaks into the room where I so often find myself alone. I am not lonely here. Thank you. Thank you.

This is a short list. Because I happen to be thankful for a gym membership, which I fully took advantage of this evening. And I'm also thankful for long, winding conversations with my almost-husband that have kept me up late. And I'm thankful for poetry like this:

I, 59

God speaks to each of us as he makes us,

then walks with us silently out of the night.

These are the words we dimly hear:

You, sent out beyond your recall,

go to the limits of your longing.

Embody me.

Flare up like a flame

and make big shadows I can move in.

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.

Just keep going. No feeling is final.

Don't let yourself lose me.

Nearby is the country they call life.

You will know it by its seriousness.

Give me your hand.

Rainer Maria Rilke, Rilke's Book of Hours

"Home, Home, Where I Wanted to Be"

"I want to live in a wooden house, where making more friends would be easy." 

Thank you, Coldplay. 

Yes, that is the home where I wanted to be, and I was there, and now I'm back and I want to be there again! I'd really like to do the whole trip over again because I learned a few things. 1. Do NOT fly United Air. They are crap. They do not have the little personal screens on 12 hour flights. The stewardesses were rude and did not follow the "do not stick your butt in the passenger's face by bending over, but simply kneel to grab something from the bottom shelf" rule. When there are two hour delays on the runway, they do not make an announcement letting passengers know what is going on. They estimate everything will take 20 minutes, but it always takes at least an hour. See? United Air sucks. 2. Take lots of medicine on the flight over so that you are not deathly ill when you wake up the next day and have about 4 hours to find a dress to wear to your sister's wedding. 3. TAKE MORE PICTURES. I don't have any pictures of just me and my mom or just me and my sister. It's sad. I mean, I'll see them both in February, for my wedding, but I would have liked to have more pictures. Sadly, wedding madness ruled the weekend. So, yes, I'd like to do the trip over again wiser and better, but I'll take the time I got with my family and friends anyway! 

I'm not much of a picture poster, just because I like to show you things with words instead. But this is a special exception for you dear readers because you have been severely neglected lately. And I keep promising to rectify the situation and it's just not happening, is it? I'll try to make it up to you. A few highlights from Kenny's first trip to America, full with commentary! 

Morning ritual for Kenny: sitting on the deck with his coffee. I am here for your viewing enjoyment with airplane+sleeping hair and my beautiful kitty Kimchi! Kenny took lots of pictures of my house. I was glad he did that because I got to see it in a different way and appreciate my home even more. (I guess it's not technically my home anymore, although my mom would beg to differ!) Being at home was comfortable. I wanted Kenny to feel comfortable in my home, to experience the warmth of my family. I think he did. 

Holly and Matt exchanging their rings.

The whole fam. 

My little sister got married to a wonderful man and I now have a goofy brother-in-law to discuss my latest bowel movements with. I cried when she walked down the aisle with my daddy and I cried again when they danced together. My family is so precious. And yep, that's me in the little black dress! AND, dear readers, go ahead and open your mouth and gasp in preparation: I wore high heels. Almost the entire night. I even danced in high heels. Here's evidence: 

My mom was upset because no one was dancing. My moves were meant to inspire others to join me. (They inspired a little growl from Kenny!) Anyway, a good time was had by all except my feet. I left the heels and the dress at home. We'll see if the dress still fits next summer, when it will be a little more season-appropriate. Ultimately, I was of course, the fatter sister, seeing as how Holly is a size 0 and that is not a possibility for me, ever. But I was NOT the fat sister. So, I think the Super Duper Don't Be the Fat Sister Workout Plan was a success. I think I need to draw up the next stage which will be something like the Don't Have a Belly in the Wedding Dress Workout Plan. Or, Look Hot and Make Your Husband Drool on your Wedding Day Workout Plan. Or Love Yourself and Your Body on your Wedding Day Workout Plan. Hmmm... I'll have to give it a little more thought. 

Speaking of things fitting, I AM OFFICIALLY 63 KILOS. Which means, in plain American English.... 139 pounds. (I will take a moment for your applause. Yes, thank you, thank you.)

I'm pretty excited about this. Seems that being sick probably was rather beneficial because it did a number on my appetite. I did not consume nearly enough sweet tea or fried foods. But I didn't gain 5 pounds either. Rather, I came back close to 2 pounds lighter! Tomorrow I'm rejoining the gym with the boyfriend and the fight for the next 4 pounds and losing the rest of the belly continues! 

Also along the line of things fitting, please grab your barf bag because I found my wedding dress. I'll wait while you read that sentence again to make sure you got it right. Yep, wedding dress= check. It's not anything like I thought it would be. It's everything I walked into the store saying I hated. I am not going to thrill you or cause you to puke up any more of your guts by showing you previews. But I will show you how much fun 4 hours of wedding dress shopping is for the father of the bride. 

Doesn't he look thrilled?

Do you love it? I gave you a bigger size so you could focus on the sincerity of the facial expression. And yeah, Kenny was there, too. But shopping is his thing. Some guys are good at like, throwing balls or playing video games. My guy is good at shopping (among many many other things.) And he's way more picky than I am. So it made sense for me to have him help me pick out the dress because with my taste, there was a good chance I would walk down the aisle and have to see that look register on his face. The one I get when I point at things in the store and he rolls his eyes like he can't believe he knows me or that I just touched that piece of clothing. I wanted to make sure he liked it and there's no better way to do that than to get his approval from the beginning! So now, he gets 3 months to forget what it looked like! (Okay, it's 96 days until my wedding. 96 DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYS! Oh, sorry. I should have warned you that you still may need the barf bag. I'm finished now. You can put it away.)

I also got to spend some time with my Wifey and her hubby while I was at home. It was AWESOME to see her. She did my makeup and my hair for the wedding and it was just like being back in good old sub-par paradise, getting ready for a night out. It was pretty much pure bliss. And I got to hang out with my good friend Melanie, whom many of you might know from her blog. Yep, she was my real-life friend first! We've known each other since high school and I couldn't have made it living at home after college without her! 

Kenny, 139 pound Me, Kerri, and Buck

Melanie and Me

Well, I could choose to complain about all the things that went wrong or could have been better on my trip home, but hey, I already did that at the beginning of this post. I had a good trip home and when we got here, the first set of our engagement pictures were ready. I'll give you a peek here and the rest you can see in this Facebook album. 

This was a purely self-indulgent post, but I'm hoping you loved it anyway. I'm heading back to the hell hole tomorrow for a few more months of work with the monsters. They've given me a week to do evaluations for all 25 of my kids. Oh well, whatever. By the way, I totally ate a donut today. Do you know why? Because I deserved it! 

It feels good to be back. I missed you.