Well, Week 2 wasn't a total loss, but I'd count it as an almost-failure. Especially coupled with this weekend. I guess I kind of lost a bit of my momentum, really. Fixing lunch and dinners everyday before 1 pm makes me busy. And at first, I was really glad to be busy about making my life better, improving my eating habits, yada yada. But Week 2, I missed sleeping in; I stayed up too late at night; I allowed too many things to get me down. I ran out of time one day and we were forced to eat out. And it's not like we ate somewhere healthy. Then, Friday, I had one of those depressing days where I hated my body, my face, my hair, just a general day of self-loathing. And I knew I would mess up. I went on down to the Dunkin' Donuts, had a coffee, one donut, and a sandwich with two kinds of cheese! It was glorious. For about 10 minutes. Then, I just felt guilty. Also, I didn't run. Not once!
I'm really disappointed in some of the choices I've been making, but I want to get back on track this week. And because last week was a bit of a throwaway, I think I might push my No Ma'am Month on into July.
I am blogging before 8 am today, so I count that as a win. I have all my fruits and veggies ready for today's dinner, and even though I'm not making it out to the track this morning because I have to go to a kindergarten and teach (I do this once a week for an hour on Mondays), I still feel good about being up and getting things done.
So, hopefully this week I will be able to make better decisions and be proud of myself at the end of it. I'm not going to buy coffee, I'm not going to watch ANY TV at all, and I'm going to try to use my time wisely, and also do the things I want to do, instead of just sitting around wishing I was doing the things I want to do!
Mary Oliver writes, "Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?" in her poem Have You Ever Tried to Enter the Long Black Branches. And yes, Mary! I've been calling it a life. But from now on, I'd like to take deep, centering breaths and live my life.
